Thursday, 12 January 2012


Posted by Sonia at 10:25:00 am
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I think about disaster quite often; not in a terribly morbid way mainly in a what will happen to the kids if I die kind of way! The thought terrifies me so much! If James is away on business I always make sure someone checks on me every morning to make sure I’m still there for the kids! I can’t bear the thought of them waking up to find Mummy dead and then be left alone for however long it takes someone to realise! I guess I should teach Maisie to phone 999 so in case something does happen then she will be able to phone emergency services but would she be in a fit state to do so? I just like the fact that if someone knows I am on my own and they check on me then a familiar face will be there for them!

I have always been terrified of dying ever since I asked my Mum what happens when you die when I was very little and she said “you go to sleep for a very long time” – I guess it’s easier if you have something to believe in… I have NOTHINGNESS! I don’t want to have nothing actually I want to be a spirit and watch over the ones I love! I don’t want to have to tell my kids that you just go to sleep for a very long time! What do you tell your kids about dying? I guess if you are religious then it is easier to deal with but if you’re not what to you say?

Then at times I’ll be lay in bed and I’ll get myself worked up that the house is going to set on fire; I go over and over getting the kids out of the house safely and work out a route for wherever the fire may be. I have home insurance so we are probably covered for rebuilds, material goods etc. What about everything that I treasure – what about all my photos and memories from the last 34 years? So now I make sure I back up precious photos twice on to DVDS and keep them in separate places just in case! If the whole house went up then they’d be gone I’m sure but at least I tried. What I could do is get a safety deposit box I guess and store things there I guess!

I really have no idea where this post is going I am just rambling… Hmmm I guess what I want to know is…


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Cathy on 12 January 2012 at 10:33 said...

I worry too, your not on your own xx

lucy at dear beautiful on 12 January 2012 at 11:03 said...

I worry like this. Especially about leaving the little guy without a mummy. And I got so anxious late in my pregnancy about losing photos that we now sign up to a service that automatically backs up all our photos to a server so they'd never be lost.
So you are most definitely not alone. X

Laura Weight on 12 January 2012 at 12:39 said...

I worry, not so much about the death part but I do have the same worries that Luke would be alone til someone found me. I worry whether he would be safe. My husband has panic attacks about death and 'nothingness' to the point where he's terrified to sleep incase he doesn't wake up.

I will probably teach Luke there's a heaven growing up, I'm not religious but I believe it's nicer to explain dying to a child if they believe their loved ones are still around looking down, it's just more pleasant.

You're not alone xx

Unknown on 12 January 2012 at 12:41 said...

wow...I am more of the que sera, sera kind of girl. My dad dies when I was 5 and my mum is exactly like you. I have decided that long ago that I was not going to care and i was just going to live my life as worry-free as possible, because when shit happens one has to deal with it, but what's the point of worrying about shit happening? take it easy x

Lauren on 12 January 2012 at 16:32 said...

You are definitely not alone.
My thinking like this is so severe that my doctor has referred me for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
I have days of complete downers. The episode of Eastenders where Pat died had me in floods of tears which I didn't expect at all.
You are normal, but if you are worried it might be worth a trip to the doctors?

Liz Burton on 12 January 2012 at 16:39 said...

^^^ What Lauren said. x

I think it's fairly normal to a certain extent.

I had an incident I had to deal with and ever since then its made me have morbid thoughts about how life's too short etc etc.

My tip: don't lie in bed dwelling, switch on Twitter for some mindless gossiping! x

Rachel G on 12 January 2012 at 16:42 said...

You're not alone! I have panic and anxiety attacks over exactly the same thing. I convince myself I'm dying several times a week from different things. My worst nightmare is to drop dead in front of the children. I've tried CBT and it does help....I need to re-read my books I think xx

urbanvox on 12 January 2012 at 16:49 said...

let me answer that with another question...
Have you got a G.O.O.D. (Get out of dodge) bag packed and contingency/evacuation plans in place in case of massive scale disasters? yeah... I do... :-)
I kinda freak out about the boys too... a lot...
See??? you not soooooo bonkers!

innocentcharmer on 12 January 2012 at 22:21 said...

You are completely sain. Your fear kicks in mainly when you have kids. I have become awful. Won't drive fast, worried if we are all in the car. All these things. I constantly work out plans for who will have the kids. I have emergency Plans for everything. I am always thinking about if I die. I have a real fear. So you are normal, it's cause you are a mum!!!

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